Finding Your Rhythm

As soon as Liam was born everyone said, "Aren't you so in love with him?" I felt guilty when people asked me this because I DID love him, but I didn't feel that head of heels in love with him feeling. Quite honestly, he scared me.  Here was this "not so tiny" baby and I was responsible for him.  Sometimes I still miss the hospital.  It was so easy there.  Nurses were constantly coming into my room taking care of Liam, and I got to order food and sleep whenever I pleased.  When we came home Greg's mom stayed with us until Liam was almost two weeks old. I have no idea what I would have done if she wasn't there.  I am so thankful for her because she taught us so much and she was there WHENEVER we needed her.  I bawled my eyes out when she left because now it was going to be just Liam and I during the day.  What did you do with a newborn all day? What happened if he cried? Choked? Had a diaper rash? Etc.  There were so many questions I still had, and my nervousness was out the window. Everyone told me to have confidence in myself.  How could I have confidence, I've never had a baby before!?!

At the beginning I would never dream of going out in public with him alone. I made Greg go to all the local stores with me (Walmart, Target, Kroger) to see if the car seat would fit in the shopping cart. I was terrified I would get there and freak out and have to leave immediately. The first time I went to the doctor's office alone I couldn't figure out how to get his car seat out of the car and almost had to go in and ask for help. The first time I went to Walmart I cried.  The hormones running through your body during and after pregnancy are no joke!

Liam and I got through this learning stage and I can now honestly say we have found our RHYTHM. We go out in public together almost everyday - ALONE.  I go on walks with him and KC all by myself. I even did a whole weeks of grocery shopping with Liam the other day. Now when people ask me, "Aren't you so in love with him?" I can now honestly say YES with a huge smile on my face.  I'm no longer terrified of him.  I love him with all my heart, and I can't imagine my life without him. I love him when he cries with no end in sight.  I love him when he wakes me up at 4:00 in the morning so he can eat. I even love him when he spits out his paci 105 times in the middle of the night and cries because he is missing his paci. I love him so much that I literally have to stop myself from waking him up when I go to bed just to kiss him goodnight.

Liam, I'm head over heels in love with you bud.  And - so is your dad!